Marilyn Monroe in a hair test for River of No Return (1954)
That day on the set I bumped into a graphic example of how insecure Marilyn is. One scene calls for her, as a chorus girl, to sit off to one side doing homework for the courses she is taking in night school. She makes notations in a composition book in this scene. After it was shot to Cukor’s satisfaction, Marilyn headed for her dressing room and left the notebook where she had been sitting.
One of the men in the cast happened to glance at the notes she had been making. They were all addressed to herself:
What am I afraid of?
Why am I so afraid?
Do I think I can’t act?
I know I can act, but I am afraid.
I am afraid and I should not be
and I must not be.
There followed, the actor later told me, the word which, when uttered publicly, entitles its utterer to become a member of the club recently founded by Eva Marie Saint.
The actor was too much of a gentleman to read further. “It made her seem even more naked than she did on those calendars she once posed for.”
-“The Big M” by Richard Gehman in The American Weekly- May 1, 1960